“There is nothing permanent, except change.” -- Heraclitus How are you with change? Are you cool with it? Some people really roll easily with change – they’re able to lie back in the river and flow as the current takes them.
So...I am not one of those people. I TRY to be more of this person. I really do. But oftentimes I’m sloshing around my river thinking that I know better than the current. I don’t. I never do. But it feels better if I think I can ‘control’ things. I can’t. And I know this. So I slowly and carefully lie back down in the water, feet first like on a water slide, and trust that the Universe is going to take me where I need to go.
My mom once told me when she was just about my age, “Sarah, someday you’ll figure out that you aren’t the driver of the bus…you’re the passenger. And when you figure that out, you’ll be able to sit back and enjoy the ride.”
Over the past 10 years, I have learned this lesson again and again and again as a parent. Man you want to learn about NOT HAVING CONTROL? Have a kid. Holy Hannah.
I’m starting to enjoy change and enjoy the process of letting it happen…kind of. I’m in the middle of a big shift right now and it’s a huge exploration of getting as comfortable as I can with many things that make me uncomfortable. (Not knowing exactly where I’m going, not knowing exactly what I’m doing, things moving more quickly than I like, change in the landscape of your life that you didn’t see coming…)
And the crazy thing is? It’s all good stuff. And yet, I’m agitated and uncomfortable and unsettled. I’m fighting every urge to make lists, clean my house to have order, and make stuff happen to create structure. If I concentrate hard enough on the details, I can pretend that I’m in control of the change. I can’t. And I’m not.
It’s hard work to try and lay back and trust. But I (inside, under the agitation) have every faith and confidence that it will be just right. It always is. It.Always.Is. When I lay back and let the water take me where I’m supposed to go – invariably I: a) enjoy the ride b) love the destination and c) look back and say, “Of course! That is Just.Right.”
So now – I’m going to take a deep breath. I’m going to ignore every coping, knee-jerk mechanism, and I’m going to lay back. It’ll all be oooookaaaayyyyy.
Time for a cup of tea and a couple of deep breaths.
Peace to you on your ever-changing journey.